


i wanna get better

by da_vinky



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Juno's birthday, Other, POV Juno Steel, a little eensy speck of angst?, its mostly just juno reflecting on his character growth, look i really dont know how to tag this so just bear with me, okay im done trying with these tags i have no braincells rn, remember that rita minute???? yeah me too, they both cry and so do i, this is happy im so happy for them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28281294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/da_vinky/pseuds/da_vinky
Summary: “Oh! I forgot to wish you a happy birthday!” He saysI sit up so fast I nearly smack his face into the wall. “When did I tell you about that?”Nureyev looks at me, and I know him well enough to see that slight flash of uncertainty in his eyes as he searches for something to cover his ass. “I must have… heard it from Rita.”Oh my god.Finally, the pieces click together in my head.It all comes back and hits me in the chest like a freight train on steroids. Another winter, what feels like a different person, sitting in his shitty apartment as rain pounds the windows, the air filled with the smell of dahlias and roses to finally wash out the last traces of fading cologne.OR:juno finally realizes who sent him that birthday gift
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 18
Kudos: 79





	i wanna get better

**Author's Note:**

> look guys. look. it's 1:30am on christmas eve and i am having a lot of emotions. i wrote this in about 45 minutes and i immediately came here so any spelling errors or whatever is the fault of Time. i cannot stress enough how little i proofed this. i have a lot of thoughts about juno's character development and i wish i could use my words properly to describe them but the gist of it is: i am so fucking proud of him every single day thank you and goodnight 
> 
> i don't think there are any trigger/content warnings for this one, but if you spot something i should mention PLEASE let me know!!

No forty year old lady looks forward to his birthday, and especially not  _ this  _ forty year old lady. 

I’ve made a point not to tell anyone about it. I know Buddy would want to do something big ‘as a family’ and Vespa would have a damn field day and Nureyev would look at me with those stupid eyes he does when he really wants to say something but doesn’t know how and I don’t think I could take it. 

Plus, I’m not super into celebrations as a whole. I didn’t really do them a ton as a kid, and I guess I kinda just fell out of the habit, you know? 

Right now the rest of the crew’s off decorating for some Earth holiday, and it’s just Nureyev and I in his quarters. It’s nice, we haven’t had a ton of time to just… sit down and take a breath together. But, now that the job is over and the wedding has come and gone… S’not like there’s anything else to do. 

We’ve lapsed into a bit of quiet, and I really don’t mind. His octopus body is wrapped around me, his chin tucked on top of my head. I forgot how much I missed the steadiness of his breath. Honestly, I’m about thirty seconds from passing out when he says it. 

“Oh! I forgot to wish you a happy birthday!” 

I sit up so fast I nearly smack his face into the wall. “When did I tell you about that?” 

Nureyev looks at me, and I know him well enough to see that slight flash of uncertainty in his eyes as he searches for something to cover his ass. “I must have… heard it from Rita.” 

Oh my god. 

Finally, the pieces click together in my head. 

It all comes back and hits me in the chest like a freight train on steroids. Another winter, what feels like a different person, sitting in his shitty apartment as rain pounds the windows, the air filled with the smell of dahlias and roses to finally wash out the last traces of fading cologne. 

Christ, I hadn’t let myself hope at first, and then I didn’t let myself think about it and so eventually I guess I just… forgot.

Nureyev touches my shoulder. “Juno? Are you alright?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just… dahlias and roses? A little obvious, wasn’t it?” I laugh dryly, shaking my head. 

“Are you upset, dear?” 

“No, ‘course not. You sent me a birthday gift and I didn’t realize it was you until right now, you’re the one who should be upset.” 

“Well, I didn’t exactly  _ want _ you to know…” 

“Come on, Nureyev.  _ Dahlias and roses _ .” 

“Alright, fair enough.” He chuckles, the point of a tooth poking out over his lip in the way it only does when he is either incredibly exhausted or extremely content. 

Those flowers were a bit of a lifeline for me back then. Christ, it wasn’t even that long ago, but it feels that way. I’m damn glad it does too, because I want to be as far away from it as possible. I was so lonely for so many months, and seeing those flowers there in the middle of the table always made me think of what might have been had I been a little more… ready. They made me wish I could see Nureyev come back from jobs, recognize his footstep patterns on the floorboards, sleep in a bed that wasn’t cold for once in my life. They made me wish there were flowers on the table more often. 

“Nureyev?” 

“Hm?” 

“I’m glad we reconnected  _ now _ . I’m not glad I left the way I did, you know that, but I really wasn’t in a great spot, and I’ve grown so much. I’ve grown so damn much and I’m so glad you get to be with me right here and now and not the me who left you because he didn’t know how to love you. Look, it might not be perfect right now, but if I ever tell you I don’t want to try my goddamn hardest to  _ make _ it perfect you have my permission to punch me in the face.”

I don’t realize I’m crying until I see that he is too. Have I ever seen him cry before? I’m honestly not sure… I lift a hand to wipe a tear off his lip. 

“Juno…” He says, putting his hand over my own and leaning into my touch. 

“Don’t say anything. Please. I just… really like you, you know?” I laugh, trying to stop my voice from breaking.

“I know, darling. I really like you too.” Nureyev replies, voice wet. 

He kisses me, tasting like saltwater, and I think this is one of the best birthdays I’ve had in years. 

**Author's Note:**

> im gonna go tf to sleep. if you comment i will sleep an extra hour just for you <3


End file.
